alexandra ewing is on the internet

synecdoche:

• In real life Beverley Mitchell (Lucy Camden) is older than her co-star Jessica Biel (Mary Camden). But on the show Jessica Biel’s character Mary is the older sister, while Beverley Mitchel’s character Lucy is the younger sister.
  
  

I know way too much about 7th Heaven, but at least watching it every day after school for a few years means I’ve been exposed to these other fun facts:

• It’s totally okay to send your daughter off to live in Buffalo with relatives you don’t like if recently you caught her having half a beer and she’s been rebellious to your God-fearing authority.
• There is no funnier moment ever on television than when Eric tells Annie to shut up because he’s angry that she thinks that he should take on less stress as a pastor after his heart surgery. He storms out, then the higher-up with in the church says something to comfort her; she in turn slaps him and then cries. I think this episode also features an alcoholic elderly nanny played by Phyllis Diller.
• Your husband will seriously reconsider your marriage if you let him know you once smoked pot in college (FOR SHAME, ANNIE, YOU SLUT).
• If, like Matt, you decide to marry a Jewish woman, your father will flip out over the condemned souls of your children, and get angry with you for giving up the faith he raised you in, and didn’t he raise you right, because honestly, you were a good kid and didn’t even have to get sent off to Buffalo like Mary.
• Never, ever have change-of-life twins because they will be annoying and developmentally behind yet no one will ever acknowledge it.
• If your life is anything like the first series finale, three siblings will find out they are having twins at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!1!!!!!!1

I am really upset the clip of Eric telling Annie to shut up is not on YouTube.

Otherwise I’d have never learned about the late 80’s/early 90’s television movie series “Not Quite Human.” These would be great to watch and make fun of, I can tell; these would be the sort of movies that lead to thousands of jokes after the fact. However, I would love to skip the actual watching and just get to the mockery. Here are some prime bits from the articles:

• After giving a failed presentation at a robotics convention, Dr. Jonas Carson (Alan Thicke) is kidnapped and replaced by a look-alike android. His android son, Chip (Jay Underwood), notices the swap and manages to reprogram the impostor into an ally. Since he is like an additional Jonas, Chip names him Bonus (Alan Thicke in a dual role). (Still Not Quite Human)
• Dr. Carson’s former employer, Gordon Vogel (Joseph Bologna), seeks to apprehend Carson’s functional android, believing that he is entitled to this advanced technology since it was developed while Carson was under a contract that he didn’t fulfill. (Not Quite Human)
• Not finding an adequate power source, Chip slumps to the ground as the virus overtakes him, saying haltingly to Roberta, “I… love… you.” (Not Quite Human II)
• While Chip had difficulty carrying on a sensible conversation in the first film and didn’t notice how people perceived him, in Not Quite Human II he communicates fairly well but just takes some statements too literally. For instance, when a restaurant waiter asks if the group enjoyed their leek soup, Chip scans the floor and asks “Did I leak soup?” He also sometimes comes close to inadvertently revealing that he is an android, such as when he successfully chases his bus going at full speed down the road. It is this naivety and peculiarity that hinder Chip’s efforts to form friendships. (Not Quite Human II)
• The film ends humorously when Kyle thanks Chip for belieiving in him by giving him a hug, to find a power panel on Chip’s back but shrugs it off as his imagination, and Aunt Mildred takes no notice of Dr. Carson, but becomes infatuated with Bonus, despite the fact they are exact doubles. (Still Not Quite Human)