alexandra ewing is on the internet.

spacejam:

There were three girls that were very good friends

And loved to talk about television,

and sometimes make fun of Katie Volding.

They lived in a mythological apartment

That had unlimited cable and cookies —

thin mints and samoas, to suit all tastes.

Then one day an evil warlock,

who liked to quote Thomas Paine,

snidle’d up to the three friends and said,

“Your friendship is only based on television.”

One friend said, “are you an idiot?”

The other friend said, “no, you’re actually pretty wrong,”

and the third friend said, “so what?”

And then the warlock got set on fire.

an untold fable by Aesop

This is, remarkably, a true story, more-or-less. What kind of a friend tells you that you and the lady you have known since fifth grade have nothing in common but television shows?