alexandra ewing is on the internet.

What I would do with my Powerball winnings

(an update to last year’s MegaMillions post)

• Buy my parents homes (probably separately, because I think that would make them happier, but who knows, money changes things).
• Buy my parents new cars.
• Buy my brother a car.
• Buy my aunt and uncle in Yonkers a beach house, probably down the shore, maybe in North Carolina.
• Buy my parents a beach house.
• Pay for my brother’s college education, and flying lessons, and maybe an apartment somewhere, if he wants one.
• Give every member of my family who has helped out my family a million dollars.
• Try to locate my old co-workers from LnT191 and give them each a million dollars.
• Give all my co-workers at DT1657 a million dollars-ish. (Less for the ones I don’t like.)
• Pay off all my friends’ debts and assure them that throughout our lives I will have their backs when they need it.
• Pay for any degrees they are pursuing.
• Give all of them money too.
• Give various people I love/admire on the internet money to invest in their dream jobs or get health care or even just buy beer, I guess, because it’s really not my decision.
• Give various teachers I’ve had enough money to retire.
• Set up some kind of renewed PGSA, and definitely hire back Doug Woods.
• Pay for all the plastic surgery and health care my mother wants/needs.
• Offer the same to my father, conditional on seeing a therapist.
• Pay for my brother and I to get perfect teeth.
• Take my mother on one of the Viking River Cruises advertised before Downton Abbey.
• Set up a scholarship at a fancy medical school for future abortion providers.
• Travel.
• Purchase myself an apartment in a busy city.
• Buy myself a Vitamix.
• And a pair of Ferragamo Varas.
• And the Miu Miu cat shoes duh.
• Invest enough to provide a future for myself and any family I choose to have, and the same for my brother.
• Pull a Luke Snyder and set up a charitable foundation for the rest because it’s still too much money to have and, like my co-worker C said tonight, I don’t want to end up murdered by my own family for my fortune.

I think, in the future, I will only be able to see 2013 as the year I relapsed, and the year all my family started showing their age by dying.

It’s not me, it’s you

After two months, I realize that the difficulty with putting in contacts every day is not that I haven’t mastered the technique, but that the contact in my left eye should be an astigmatism contact.